The script served as a unique sandbox for some of comedy's biggest names. Because the episode was so long, it functioned almost like a series of short-form comedic sketches:
SARAH > "Professor X is... intense." "Hard grader." "I felt stupid asking questions." BERNARD > Good! Students *should* feel stupid. That’s the point of education. To show them how little they know. I like this one. ELENA > We need someone who can recruit majors, Bernard. Someone charismatic. Not someone who makes freshmen cry. BERNARD > If they cry, they aren't meant for the major. Next candidate. search committee script 75 pages
The fluorescent lights buzz on.
Private room. Vance and Martha. Martha: “They have documents. Withdraw.” Vance: “No. You’ll vote for me. You know what I have on you, Martha.” (Reference to her past scandal—he implies evidence she falsified data, which she didn’t, but the rumor exists.) Martha: “You’re bluffing.” Vance: “Try me.” Martha leaves. In hallway, she vomits into a trash can. Lisa sees her. “Martha. Come back to the committee.” Martha whispers: “He’ll destroy me.” Lisa: “Only if you let him. Tell us everything.” The script served as a unique sandbox for
THE COMMITTEE Format: Stage Play / Screenplay Hybrid (Text Format) Estimated Length: Script Excerpt (representing the tone for a 75-page project) Students *should* feel stupid
ELENA > Did you say... dogs? SARAH > Yes. Ma'am. ELENA > (Laughs, high-pitched and brittle) > Arthur, are you serious? Is this a joke? Did the Dean of West Texas pay you to put this in the pile? PEARSON > We are an equal opportunity employer, Elena. We cannot dismiss a candidate based solely on their institution or their... canine focus. BERNARD > Wait. I like dogs. ELENA > Bernard, sit down. BERNARD > I am sitting! I’m just saying, Dickens wrote about dogs. Bullseye in *Oliver Twist*. The dog in *David Copperfield*. ELENA > This is a tenure-track position, Bernard. We need a colleague who can engage with critical theory, not someone who’s going to show up to faculty meetings with paw-print stickers on their handouts. SARAH > (Reading quietly) > The candidate includes a sample syllabus. Week 8: "Barking at the Moon: Howling as Subversion in *Wuthering Heights*." PEARSON > (Pained) > Oh, dear. ELENA > We are the laughingstock of the conference circuit as it is, Arthur. If we hire this person, I will resign. BERNARD > You’ve been threatening to resign for ten years, Elena. You’re not going anywhere. You like the parking space too much.